Cohabitation Is Now 'The New Norm'

Cohabitation - otherwise known as 'shacking up', or living together as husband and wife without the benefit of marriage is now accepted as normal by most Americans. How did this formerly frowned-upon practice steadily gain enough popularity to become socially acceptable to the majority?

A recent Barna study found that shifting gender roles and expectations, the delay of marriage, and a secularizing culture are leading more American adults to believe that moving in together before tying the knot is a good idea. Cohabitation is now 'the new norm'.

This is a trend that has been growing steadily over time. Karen Kaplan in an article published in the Los Angeles Times in April of 2013 cited a new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. 

Among the women, 48% told interviewers that they were living with their 'significant other' but were not married to them. In 1995, only 35% of women were cohabiting with their partners, according to a previous edition of the survey.

According to the current Barna study, two-thirds of adults (65%) now either strongly or somewhat agree that it's a good idea to live with one's significant other before getting married, compared to one-third (35%) who either strongly or somewhat disagree.

Unsurprisingly, the study shows that most religious groups in America are the least likely to think cohabitation is a good idea. Most Christian teaching on pre-marital relationships encourages abstinence and other boundaries that tend to exclude cohabitation, and the data reflects these beliefs. 

Practicing Christians (41%) are highly unlikely to believe cohabitation is a good idea and the stark contrast with those who identify as having no faith (88%) further demonstrates the acute impact of religious belief on views regarding cohabitation.

Similarly, it is no surprise that Millennials (72%) are twice as likely as Elders (36%) to believe cohabitation is a good idea. 

These divides are equally as stark when looking at the conservative/liberal divide. Liberals, with a more progressive ideology, are more than twice as likely as conservatives, who value a more traditional view, to believe cohabitation is a good idea.

Those who find cohabitation valuable are overwhelmingly in agreement on the 'why': 84% cite 'testing compatibility before tying the knot', or 'play-acting' before taking the life-long plunge. 

So it's mostly about taking marriage for a 'test-drive' of sorts before choosing whether or not your partner would make a suitable life-time companion. 

Quite surprisingly though is the finding that for couples that favor shacking up, considerations such as convenience and cost-sharing are comparatively insignificant at just 16% overall.

For cohabitation opponents, their biggest reason for waiting until after marriage to live together is  simply religious (34%). The desire for abstinence prior to marriage is a major driver here: 28% chose "I don't believe people should have sex before getting married" as their biggest reason for believing cohabitation is a bad idea. 

Of lesser importance were issues of practicality (16%), the valuing of family and tradition (12%), and other reasons (10%).

Other themes of note that the Barna study revealed included the following:

- Older, conservative, and more religious (Christian or otherwise) Americans are the least likely to have ever cohabited.

- Interestingly, Millennials are one of the least likely of the groups measured to cohabit, though given their age (18-34 years) and stage of this, this is somewhat unsurprising. 

- On the other side, younger, less religious, and more liberal Americans are more likely to have lived with a significant other before marriage. Interestingly, we see church attenders on this side, a fact that might prove how pervasive this cultural shift has in fact been.

- More than four in 10 (44%) of adults would be OK with their child cohabiting before marriage, and similarly, 40% would not be OK.  Interestingly, however, when it comes to the strongest views, respondents were more likely to say "no, definitely not" (24%) than "yes, absolutely" (16%).

As to whether cohabitation reduces or increases the pressure of marriage, it appears that among those who have actually done it, there was no major effect either way. 

The majority (62%) believes that living together did not affect the pressure to get married at all, and those who say it reduced (19%) or increased (18%) the pressure to get married were pretty evenly split.

What's to be made of this paradigm shift towards cohabitation? Roxanne Stone, editor in chief at Barna Group observed:  "America is well beyond the tipping point when it comes to cohabitation...Living together before marriage is no longer an exception, but instead has become an accepted and expected milestone of adulthood". 

Stone further observed that "The institution of marriage has undergone significant shifts in the last century...What was once seen as primarily an economic and pro-creational partnership has become an exercise in finding your soul mate". 

As a result, Stone notes that many of today's young people who are currently contemplating marriage see it as a risky endeavor. They want to make sure they get it right and to avoid the heartbreak they witnessed in the lives of their parents or their friends' parents.

The Barna analysis notes the underpinning factor for American Christians as well as those of other faiths: they celebrate marriage as a key religious ritual and see it as a lifelong commitment.

Importantly, that commitment is consummated by sex. The implicit presence of premarital sex in a cohabiting relationship precludes most religious Americans from endorsing it.

To help counter the cohabitation trend, Stone suggests that religious leaders would need to promote the countercultural trend by celebrating the reasons to wait - rather than trying to find evidence for why it's wrong - because such tangible, measurable evidence may not exist. 

"What are the spiritual reasons for waiting? How does waiting promote better discipleship? Better marriages? A better family life? These are the questions that young people, in particular, will need answered in order to resist the cultural tide toward cohabitation," says Stone.

Be that as it may, an emphasis on the Biblical view - which is both emphatic and uncompromising - would also help make the difference for Christians confused by whether or not cohabitation is spiritually appropriate. What does God have to say on the subject?  

There are numerous Scriptures that declare Gods prohibition of sexual immorality (Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 5:1; 6:13, 18; 10:8; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3; Jude 7). The Greek word translated "sexual immorality" or "fornication" in these verses is porneia (from which we get the English word pornography), and it means literally unlawful lust. 

Since the only form of lawful sexuality is the marriage of one man and one woman (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5), then anything outside of marriage, whether it is adultery, premarital sex, homosexuality, or anything else, is unlawful, in other words, sin. Living together before marriage definitely falls into the category of fornicationsexual sin.

Hebrews 13:4 describes the honorable state of marriage: "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." 

This verse draws a clear distinction between that which is pure and honorablemarriageand that which is sexually immoralanything outside of marriage. 

As living together outside of marriage falls into this category, it is definitely sin. Anyone living together outside of lawful marriage invites the displeasure and judgment of God.